I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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