My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
