She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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