i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
