so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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