ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
