he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
