It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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