if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
