Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
All I want is dick and wine.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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