May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I stole a fireplace last night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
