It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize