Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
