so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
