Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
