it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
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I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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