I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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