I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
