Operation Purity has been aborted
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
