So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
