as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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