Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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