I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
