I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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