Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
