Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think people are normalizing furries
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
