You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
