Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
