Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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