I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
