You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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