The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
