youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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