Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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