Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
