I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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