Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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