dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
