where am i from again
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
