Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
