I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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