Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
