I got chris browned last night
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?