Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my being single is dangerous.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
