no you cant smoke seaweed
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i think im in europe. pls send help