just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.