I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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