'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza