do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.