im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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