Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize