Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
