we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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