HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Porn is love you can see.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
