Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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