After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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