i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
