hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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