So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
