he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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