I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
