If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You ate ashes out of my bong
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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