He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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