If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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