Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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