Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
