i just google imaged poop.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
