and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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